#I haven't been all of me together with free time and internet much and all these notifications are going unread

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: June 1

"Easy Come, Easy Go” by George Strait

[nextinline-if]

Hi! How are you?

Short answer and the more polite answer since I don't think people on the internet want to hear my rants - I'm managing. I'm in therapy. On medication. Getting help and just taking it one day at a time right now.

Thanks for checking in anon and anyone else who has sent a message. I haven't abandoned the game. And I know that it doesn't help that I have no update now but I'm just kind of in the "I have to get my shit together or else" kind of place right now. I've spent years and years avoiding mental health and it's caught up with me.

Rants below just to provide some sort of update on why things are where they are, but feel free to ignore them.

I'm feeling lots of feelings at the moment. It's almost May and I've not really accomplished much at all this year. My mother-in-law is in the hospital, and the NHS just wants to send her home instead of helping her. I'm feeling incredibly helpless and useless as a partner, how do you support your partner through this? Doing my best but I'm so frustrated and can't do anything to make it better or make anyone listen and help my mother-in-law.

My employer is probably going under financially and many things don't sit right with my values so I'm stressing about finding a new job. Obviously grateful to have work but it's taken a huge toll on my mental health. I've dedicated dozens of hours each week to job hunting and interviewing - I feel so burnt out but can't afford to let up.

My therapist has asked me not to do any writing of any kind. She believes I am not in a place where this is productive for my mental health. I've always used writing as an outlet. These last couple of months have been difficult. I have not touched my journals, scripts, or games. My fingers ache to write but I don't want to let all my progress go up in flames so alas, this Tumblr ask is the most I've written in months and I can only hope I get better soon so that won't be the truth. I probably shouldn't have written this even but I've been feeling so guilty, every day it crosses my mind that I've just gone MIA on here.

If you read this, you're a gem and I'm sorry if it's too personal - I just don't want anyone to think I've abandoned things. I'm just really focused on healing right now because I have to focus on it.

Wishing you the best.

-Vi

[gotstabbedbyapen]

Hyacinthus Iceberg Meme EXPLAIN (P5)

Part 1 ✿ Part 2 ✿ Part 3 ✿ Part 4 ✿ Part 5

It's time for me to answer your questions about this Hyacinthus iceberg meme. There is a lot to tackle, so I'll divide it into 5 parts for the sake of my sanity.

Quick disclaimer: I am NOT an expert in Greek mythology, just a fan of Hyacinthus who wants to learn about him and anyone related to him. Most of the things I'm about to discuss are just theories and speculations of a passerby on the Internet, so do not take them as valid facts!

Bonus disclaimer: We are now entering the "just a theory" section of the iceberg. While the previous parts have myths and essays to back them up, most of the sections here are theories I made up (or shared with other scholars) and might not always be supported by literature texts.

What is the meaning of Hyacinthus' name?

We know is that "Hyacinthus" is a very old name, because the "-nth" suffix indicates its pre-Hellenic origin, or at least that's what Bernard C. Dietrich's "The Origins of Greek Religion" said (cited on Wikipedia). I haven't found a free PDF version of this book yet so I can't verify myself, but if any of you can, I would really appreciate your input!

Because "Hyacinthus" is very ancient, I have two questions: what is the meaning of this name and or what word/root did it derive from?

According theo Theoi.com, Hyacinthus' name was translated to "Larkspur flower" (as seen below)

However, I suspect this translation was coined much later when the god Hyacinthus had been watered down to a mortal, and the name meaning had been morphed and might not hold true for the ancient Hyacinthus. Or the ancient Hyacinthus name did mean "larkspur" and the myth was written to explain why this god share the same name as the flower.

Who knows!

Hyacinthus is the aboriginal god of Amyclae

This is just me doing some Olympic-level mental gymnastics. I can't remember where or if I've read this theory in any other research before, so you gotta endure my mindless rambling in this part.

With the many evidence indicating Hyacinthus was a pre-Hellenic god with a defined role and worship in Amyclae (Sparta), can he also be the very first god in this land? Here's how I think it's plausible:

According to Pausanias' Description of Greece, in Lacedaemonian traditions, Hyacinthus is a direct descendant of Lelex, the in-myth aboriginal king of Laconia. So what if this is a case of people from the same family line being conflated with each other? It seemed to happen with Polyboea and her great-granddaughter Phylonoe, who were often identified with one another (although this one is still questionable as I haven't found any academic articles).

And there you have it. Hyacinthus and Lelex. There could be a slim chance.

Why was Hyacinthus watered down into a mortal???

Hyacinthus was once a chthonic vegetation god worshipped in Amyclae, so why was he watered down into a mortal (or at best, a demigod) in the now-known myth? Was it because when Apollo's cult came along he was turned into a mortal and killed off to "make room" for the new god? But even then, Hyacinthus was still brought back and worshipped with Apollo as a duo, so why all the changes?

And this is not just a strange transition for Hyacinthus. Ariadne was also an ancient Great Goddess of Crete (even with the super cool epithet "Mistress of the Labyrinth") now became a princess. I wonder if the other mortal heroes, especially the ones that was made immortal later, had the same treatment as well.

Hyacinthus and Apollo are "married"

The word "married" should be put in triple quotation marks because Apollo and Hyacinthus weren't actually married like a gay couple would in the 21st century. What I mean is they are "married" in the sense of sharing a shrine together and are worshipped as a duo. Zeus and Hera, a famous married deity couple, shared a lot of shrines together.

So now we have the Apollo - Hyakinthos cult. Hyacinthus once had a wife (who could be Polyboea, as seen in the next section), but she was replaced by Apollo. What's interesting is that Apollo became Hyacinthus' shrine spouse instead of replacing him, resulting in a male-male duo, rather than the typical male-female duo, with seemingly equal respect. Some would argue they were one and the same.

As to why this happens to Apollo and Hyacinthus, I haven't found articles discussing it yet. I will try though!

Polyboea is either Hyacinthus' OG wife or daughter

I suspect the OG shrine spouse of Hyacinthus - before Apollo's worship came to Amyclae - was Polyboea.

Brother-sister sibling duos in Greek mythology are often depicted as husband and wife, e.g. Kronos-Rhea, Zeus-Hera, and even Apollo-Artemis were derived from a married couple before they became twins. Because Polyboea and Hyacinthus are siblings, were depicted to be carried to the Heavens together, and possibly worshipped in the same shrine and festival (the Hyacinthia), they could have been an ancient deity couple in Amyclae.

Are there any basis on this? Well, the website Occult World cited that "The Golden Bough" by James George Frazer was the one suggested this theory, and I'm still looking for a free PDF to fact-check it (yes, I'm a cheap one looking for free stuff)

I've mentioned the theory of Polyboea being Hyacinthus' daughter in part 4, that is was suggested in the book "Cults of Apollo at Sparta" by Michael Pettersson:

Basically, Hyacinthus the prince and Hyacinthus the father of the Hyacinthides (in part 4) could be conflated with one another, and therefore, the scene of Hyacinthus and Polyboea on the altar relief was depicting a father sacrificing his daughter. But there is also another interpretation in this book: Polyboea, the daughter, is going through a ritual where she went from a maiden to a woman.

The Hyacinthia was also seen as an initiation rite by ancient Spartan, where young boys and girls who attended the festival will leave it as official adults. The boys will become men ready to join the military and the girls will become women ready to enter marriage.

Furthermore, the presence of Demeter - Kore/Persephone - Hades trio and Artemis - Athena - Aphrodite trio might serve as allegories. We know, from part 4, that the former trio was connected to the Hyacinthia because Persephone's abduction myth symbolize the girl-to-woman the transition.

But what about the latter? Well, according to Pettersson:

Yeah, the virgin goddesses Artemis and Athena represent Polyboea's maidenhood stage and Aphrodite, goddess of love and fertility, is her entering the married life of womanhood.

As from the allegories from the gods, along with the preparation for a sacrificed maiden and a soon-to-be-wedded bride being similar, Polyboea's role as the "sacrificed daughter" and the "maiden becoming woman" could go hand in hand.

Of course, the explanation is more complicated than what I just presented, so I really recommend you guys to check out the book itself for a full view!

Who is Hyacinthus before Apollo?

Let's be real, we (admittedly, myself included) know Hyacinthus first as a lover of Apollo, and second as his own person. When we read the myth, it mostly focus on Apollo's conquest and grief, not much about the prince himself.

So it begs the question: who is Hyacinthus before Apollo?

Is he a local god the Amycleans worshipped before the arrival of Apollo's cult?

Is he a real life man with such great deeds that he was deified in the eyes of his people?

What other heroic achievements did he make?

Was he ever known by a different name?

Has he always been Hyacinthus or is this just the final form he took after millennia of changes?

We cannot know for sure, and we probably never will.

In fact, this final part of the explanation series isn't to be answered, but be used as a prompt for future studying of this prince and god of Sparta. As you can see from my iceberg meme and explain series, there is actually a lot more about Hyacinthus than meets the eye. His historical impacts, worship evolution, mythology roles, etc. aren't as well-documented as other characters, so he can be quite obscure or not analyzed as much by the general audience. He was more than just a lover who died.

This is one of the reasons why I love Hyacinthus, studying him is both a thrill and a pain because there is so much and so little to obtain. And I hope my silly brain rot over him will inspire you to learn just a bit more about my favorite Spartan prince.

THE END

[ladykailitha]

Look, considering I've only gotten involved in Stranger Things after season four and therefore haven't been around the fans during other new season filming starts, but my brothers/sisters/nb in fandom what the honest fuck is going on right now?

I have been a part of other fandoms when new seasons started filming and the worst I'd seen was BBC Sherlock. And you lot are behaving worst then they did.

And Jesus fuck, that's a fucking low ass bar.

(Again I am ship and let ship, kinktomato, and headcanon free for all)

But this is just what I've seen in my small deliberately secluded corner of the internet so forgive me if I get some things wrong.

Ronance fans have turned on Steddie fans.

Steddie fans are trying to eat each other over who tops and who bottoms between two horny, barely out of their teens, men.

Eddie is confirmed dead.

Dustin is trying to become Eddie.

People want Will dead because Noah Schnapps said some stupid shit regarding genocide.

And Argyle isn't coming back.

I'm going to give you my feelings on these so buckle up lets go:

1- Steddie and Ronance fans have turned on each other. And I know this because I doom scroll through steddie tag. That Ronance fans think Steddie fans are delusional and that they're going down after season five airs and there will be more Ronance fans because they're perfect for each other.

Where to even begin on this? First, never tell a shipper that their ship is never going to be canon because they don't care. Just ask all the Destiel, johnlock, and merarthur fans. Steddie fans are just going to ignore all but the most salient parts of season 5 if Eddie doesn't come back and write AUs for the rest of their lives. You know, like they have since the last scene on the Piggyback faded to black?

Secondly, I don't think I've seen much Ronance without Steddie. Granted I only read Steddie, but it seems that the two ships are tied pretty heavily together. The fruity four comes to mind. So maybe it's that they're getting tired of being a side ship next to a massive one like Steddie. Who knows. But apparently they're bitter.

And I say that because they keep tagging their anti-Steddie posts as Steddie to make sure we see it. Honestly, I just block them and go about my day. But seriously, I've never understood people's need to be shitty like posting hate on the tag for that thing. If you don't like it, fine. Block and move on.

Thirdly. Lastly. Maybe. I don't like Ronance. I saw the charms when I first joined the fandom and it was cute. Until the more I read and I realized that most of the time they don't bring up that Jonathan is even a person let alone Nancy's current boyfriend. That most of the time Steve is written wildly out of character about not caring that they're a couple and that he just wants them to be happy. Like, one Jonathan is severely under used in the fics I've read. Like Will doesn't have an older brother anymore. It's all Steve or Eddie. Which considering how you like your flavor of queer for Eddie or Steve (gay/pan/bisexual) Will talking to them about being gay makes sense, but Jonathan showed us in the last season that he is going to protect Will no matter what. Then blip! in fanfics, he's gone.

And then the whole Steve being okay with Robin not only dating an ex-girlfriend of his, but the ex. The one he thought he was going to marry. The one he dreamed a whole fucking future on. That was still hurt by two fucking years later. You either think very lowly of Steve or you just don't care. Because if you think Robin and Steve are the same person/share the same braincell/ride or die for life, there is no way even if Nancy threw herself at Robin would she even consider it. (I can write a whole ass post just on this by the way, don't get me started.)

2- This is the most recent bullshittery due to a current event about Sub Eddie. This is the worst discourse in any fandom and the worst offenders on either side tend say the most homophobic shit imaginable.

And it's pointless. Whether you think Steve is a top or bottom, whether you think he's dom or a sub. Same with Eddie. Everyone has their own flavor they prefer and they won't always match up with yours.

Personally I write them whatever feels natural for the story. But here's the major crux of the matter. I don't believe a little nerd in Bumfuck, Indiana has any idea what flagging is. I'm sorry. Left pocket, right pocket. Doesn't matter. The likely of him even knowing what BDSM is is pretty slim. I grew up in a small town. There will be some people that know, but that's because they know adults in the scene.

Don't like, don't read. Seriously, guys. Let people enjoy what they want to.

My personal feelings on the matter is that Steve is a bottom/sub because he deserves to be taken care of and Eddie would absolutely want to be that person for Steve, in and out of the bedroom. Again, you do you, beau.

3- The tombstone. Sigh. It was hard to see that. Not just because it confirms he's dead, but because it's been defaced. Most likely like fans have said, "BURN IN HELL" the poor bastard.

Having a tombstone doesn't necessarily preclude Eddie's return. There are several ways he can still comeback Kas! theory not withstanding. But the wank here is people jumping on Steddie shippers and Eddie fans in general pointing and screaming "see!"

Like we didn't have campaigns for Barb and Bob and (Billy). If someone's favorite character has died, don't be dicks when they want them to be resurrected a la Jim Hopper. Because that right there is the main reason people will still hold out hope until the final scene fades to black, okay?

I guess this one is just be nicer to each other, okay?

4- *sob* like holy fuck. Dustin you sweetheart. The long hair, the torn Hellfire t-shirt, the rings. The horns and sticking out his tongue. That poor boy needs several hugs STAT! And of course, people can't leave well enough alone on Facebook, I couldn't tell you how many of the comments were "steddie fans are going to make this all about them, aren't they?" Even though there wasn't a single comment by a Steddie making it about Steve/Eddie. But so many eye rolls. The other half were death threats against Noah Schnapp.

Which brings me to...

5- Noah Schnapp said some really shitty things about Zionism and the attack on Gaza. There is no escaping that. He said them. He double downed on them. And while yes it sucks he said those things, let's not forget he's still young and stupid. He's barely 18/19 years old. I remember being that age and saying stupid fucked up shit, and hoo boy does this make me grateful I was well into adulthood when the internet became a thing (24ish).

There are a lot of reasons to be upset by his comments and I get that. But death threats and calls for his dismissal/boycotts just seems excessive to me.

One, because the story began with a kidnapped little boy and a runaway little girl. If you get rid of one of them especially this close to the end it would fuck up the story. Now if there was more than one season left, sure. But this is literally the end. And for all we know, Will's character may already be doomed by the narrative. So calling for it now isn't go to do anything. Especially since they already had all the scripts written and would have finished filming if it hadn't been for the strikes.

Two, one person on the cast said something stupid and hurtful and you want to boycott the entire show for it? Like, what did David Harbor, Joe Keery, Maya Hawke, Millie Bobby Brown and all the others do to deserve you boycotting their show? If the last season tanks it could seriously hurt their careers, but hey Noah Schnapp said something bad, so fuck them?

I'm going to stop there, because this is another one I can go on and on about, but yeah. Don't hurt other people in your rush to vilify an 18 year old.

6- Eduardo Franco recently said that he didn't get a call so he didn't think he would be back. He was sure that ship had sailed.

Fans are upset, naturally. Argyle was a sweetheart and deserves better than to be cut from the story like that.

But thanks to the incident with David Harbor and Jim Hopper supposedly being dead, a lot of fans are saying he's only saying that because it's a "secret" he's coming back. Which would make sense for Eddie or any of the other character died. Martin Brenner, for example, but not Argyle. There would be no need for subterfuge. Plus, he would already be out in Georgia if he was coming back.

It's sad that he was done dirty this way, but if they split up the filming like they've done before there is still a chance he might get to come back, but as far as the current filming is concerned, yeah Argyle isn't coming back.

***

Just... be kind to each other. Remember that the other people on the end of the URL is an actual person with feelings. That people can like what they like so if they aren't hurting you, don't hurt them, okay?

[motionlessonigiri]

Hi Sabezra community.

Am I an English speaker? No. That's why I apologize in advance for the crimes against the English language that I'm going to commit next. But I still hope you can understand me. I'm not even sure anyone will see this.

It's been a while since I came here to find people who love the same things as me. Like a refuge from the outside world. I planned to post something only when I had something interesting to share with you all, like a video edit or fanart. Things so we could have fun together.  The current circumstances didn't allow me to do anything for now, so I was just following things as a spectator.

Seeing all this ship war going on, made me feel like I wanted to get away from all social media, so I wouldn't see these things anymore.  I also felt scared to express my love for this ship too. I'm scared to post this now.

Even my mother noticed that something was bothering me.  She asked me several times what I had.  I didn't want to tell her, because she's also a Star Wars fan and I don't want her to know everything that's going on. I want her to continue watching our favorite shows without thinking about negative things.

I want to get the hell away from it all, but for once, I would like to post this to all the Sabezra shippers who are receiving free hate. I think you guys need some love after suffering so much hate and I need to get out how I'm feeling. Because that's all I can do for now.

This whole time, I saw your fanart, I saw your video edits and I read many of the beautiful fanfics you wrote (I confess that I haven't read them all yet, it's due to lack of time, but I loved everything I read).

I see everyone putting so much love into what they do. And I can't ask you to continue, because I myself don't know if I'll ever be able to post anything in the future. But to be honest, I don't want you to stop.  Am I being cowardly and selfish? Perhaps, but it's the truth.

But I'm here to remind you that not all Sabezra shippers are so active on social media, but we exist.

I've been a Star Wars fan for a few years and only watched Rebels during the pandemic. I started shipping Sabezra since then.

I was so happy that the Ahsoka series exists. And now I couldn't even watch Ahsoka or Rebels (I tend to rewatch the things I like many times). Because every time I try to watch it I'm reminded of this whole ship war that's going on.

So I decided to talk to a friend. He is also a Star Wars fan (and a fan of Rebels, which I recommended to him), but he doesn't follow things that happen on social media. We always talk about Star Wars, but we never talked about ships.  But today I asked him what he thought of Ezra and Sabine.

He is my childhood friend and we practically grew up together, so I thought: "If he sees Sabine and Ezra as just friends/siblings, just like he and I are, maybe I'm seeing too much in the interactions between Sabine and Ezra and and I should just stop shipping them." 

But to my surprise he also ships Sabezra. He said that you can see in the exchange of looks between them that there is something (In fact, my friend and I never look at each other the same way Sabine and Ezra look at each other). And he thinks Sabine is in love with Ezra.

The same case happens with my mother, who also loves Rebels and watches everything from SW since when she was young, but without following all the discussions that happen on the internet.  When we watched Ahsoka, she said she thought Sabine liked Ezra since Rebels.  She said this without me saying anything about shipping them.  And when I asked her if she thought it was wrong to ship them, she said no and said she thinks they will be together someday.  (I know, this may never happen, but hearing this from my mom warmed my little heart)

Even a friend of mine who isn't a fan, just watches casually, asked me if Sabine had a crush on Ezra.

Talking to these people from outside made me feel better, because this may not have been the intention of Dave and the others, but you can see that, based on common sense, no one can blame us for shipping them, it seems natural to many people. And not all Sabezra Shippers can be seen expressing this around.

I have nothing against anyone who ships wolfwren.  But I won't lie and say I wasn't sad that the cast supported it so openly, while we are accepting crumbs. I confess that at first I felt betrayed. I haven't shipped Sabezra for as long as many of you, but I feel like I have. But thinking clearly, I understand them. Besides thinking that they can to ship whatever they want, just like us, I see it as a way for them to show support for the LGBT community. It is to be expected that they will do this. And it's okay.

Needless to say, I'm just posting this to express what I was feeling, I have no intention of hurting anyone.  I am completely against any type of hate.

I don't regret watching Ahsoka, nor do I regret that the series existed.  But I'm sorry to have seen so much fighting and hatred for something that was made to make us all happy. I wish I had followed everything in ignorance, as well as my friend and my mother. I think I'll start seeing things that way from now on.

I had a lot more to say, but I still don't know how to express them in words and this was turning into a mile long post.  My first post and this was huge.  I'm sorry for this. I needed to get these things out because I want to sleep and focus on the more important things I have to do.

And I want to be able to enjoy watching Ahsoka and Rebels again without feeling sick out remembering all the discussion surrounding it.

For now, I want you to know that I've been loving all the Sabezra content you've been posting. What I want to say is that I'm here and that I will continue to ship Sabezra until the end. Even if you don't see me interacting here.

Maybe later I'll regret posting this. 

Maybe I'll delete it right away. 

Maybe I'll never come around here again. 

I don't know.

Too late. But everything is fine. 

At least now you know I'm here.

I love you all.

[unusualcliches]

My season three thoughts: After numerous failed attempts of watching part two of Bridgerton yesterday, I finally finished the last episode at three in the morning so I decided to sleep on it. Now that I’ve processed it a little I feel like I must get this out of my chest. Like most fans, I have mixed feelings. Overwhelming feelings. Feelings that are like torture – Kidding!

No but really, it has been a long time since a piece of media has made me feel this much, both good and bad. Watching these last four episodes, my heart was in my throat, I was grinning like a maniac and tearing up more often than I care to admit. And isn't that the point of art? I can honestly say that overall the positives far outweigh the negatives, for me, at least. There's something to be said about the choice of releasing the season in two parts, about cramped, eight-episode-seasons and the lack of breathing room, about the ever growing number of characters, about expectations so high they might as well have been setting themselves up for failure (or rather, the fans up for disappointment) but I don't want to linger on any of that. I understand feeling let down and there are many, many reasons for it. But to me, in particular? Well, all of that is overshadowed by this huge wave of affection I feel for the people who put this show together.

Because this is Penelope Featherington's season, and I have loved this character for at least fifteen years. I've been carrying her around in my pocket, hidden from view, because I was ashamed to admit a "silly, little romance novel that teen me read in secret on my computer when my parents weren't looking" could ever have impacted me so much. (Yes, internalized misogyny, I see you, leave me alone.) But it did impact me, so much so that when I needed to, I took Penelope's name as my alias in the hope it would make me brave enough to come out of my shell on the internet, if not in real life. And no, the irony is not lost on me, there is a reason I was so drawn to her character, just as I know so many other people are. She is incredibly relatable.

This last month I've been talking and talking about all the ways this show's popularity is validating and how freeing it feels to be able to discuss this character that is so close to my heart with so many people, and to see the outpour of love she's been getting. Because she's so relatable, there are hundreds of us who see ourselves in her while at the same time admire her growth and her cleverness and wish we could be that brave, even for just one day. To see her stand up for herself the way she did was amazing and I could never resent a show for fleshing out my favorite character like this. If anyone had told teen me that one day I would get to watch Bridgerton come alive in HD, and that Penelope would be played by the most gorgeous, charismatic actress who'd wear all these beautiful costumes and dance to amazing instrumental versions of some of my favorite songs as she found her way to her happily ever after, I would have thought I was dreaming?! There is simply so much to celebrate this season, I couldn't fathom choosing to lean into the frustration or the resentment that some things haven't turned out exactly the way I wished.

That said, I will definitely be using this blog to work out the things that I felt were lacking too in the near future because I am thoroughly invested in Colin and Penelope's love story and that's not changing any time soon. What's this about this ride being over because the season ended??? Kids, please, now is the time we get to finally play with this toy we've been reaching for at the high shelf of the store!!! It's ours now to do as we please and I have ~so many ideas~. I simply crave more of them. I loved (most) of what we got this season, and I plan to roll around in all the good bits, just as I am already craving all the fix-it fics that I know are coming. You know, one of the things about part one was that the show was so good about giving me everything I ever wanted, there was hardly anything I wanted to read/write about. Well, I will say that that's certainly changed! I'm gonna save my detailed feelings about Polin for another post because this is already completely out of hand but I will say this: I am tired of seeing strong female characters having to sacrifice their romantic relationships as they crawl their way to self-acceptance and empowerment. That is realistic, to be sure, but Bridgerton is supposed to be for the dreamers, isn't it? So why not give Penelope her cake and let her eat it too? All in all, though, I feel like I had a delicious piece of cake but I’m left still yearning for the cherry on top. Perhaps in season 4?

[fcukfodmap]

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Chocolate Cupcakes

Honestly, I had no idea what to expect from this recipe. I've had such uneven results with gluten-free baking, and I haven't yet figured out what collection of attributes separates the disastrous from the sublime. Certainly, some of discrepancy could come from the fact that I've been forced to try recipes from corners of the internet I haven't fully vetted, so the problem could be bad recipes, not anything inherent in the gluten-free-ness.

Long story short, these cupcakes turned out good but not amazing. They're not the best cupcakes I've ever had, but they're at least as good as a box mix: more flavorful, but maybe a little drier. To the recipe!

Low-FODMAP Gluten-free Chocolate Cupcakes

3/4 c + 2 tbsp Bob's Red Mill Gluten-Free 1:1 All Purpose Baking Flour

2/3 c white sugar

1/4 c dark brown sugar

1/2 c cocoa powder

3/4 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp salt

2 eggs

2/3 c boiling water

1 tsp instant coffee

1/3 c olive oil

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp apple cider vinegar

Preheat oven to 350F, and line a dozen cupcake baking pan with liners. Whisk together all the dry ingredients in the large bowl of a stand mixer: flour, sugars, cocoa, baking powder & soda, cinnamon and salt. Beat in the wet ingredients one at a time on medium speed. Add the instant coffee to the boiling water before mixing in. Batter will be thin.

Add the batter to the 12 lines muffin tins, filling 2/3 to 3/4 of the way full. Bake for 18-22 minutes.

As far as FODMAP nonsense goes, I spent an inordinate amount of time googling around to determine the FODMAP-friendliness of cocoa, and ended up with so much conflicting information I ended up throwing up my hands. The most restrictive sources seem to indicate that 2 heaping tsp are low-FODMAP which, coincidentally, is about how much cocoa powder is in one cupcake. But a lot of people think this is too conservative, and that you could probably go ham and have two or even three cupcakes. A world of choice is before you.

Tomorrow I'll have to figure out frosting, but tomorrow is another day.

Weary disclaimer: I am no dietician. I'm doing my best to minimize FODMAPs in my diet, but it's possible for me to be misinformed or mistaken about various ingredients.

[slayerkitty]

Only Friends: "Hot Take - Do Not Fuck Your Boss"

Credit to @chalkrevelations for the title, that part of your post made me giggle and pointed out an undercurrent of a theme that's running far in the background of the show.

Hot Take: DO NOT FUCK YOUR BOSS

We actually see this concept in four pairings on the show (sort of).

Starting with Sand and Ray (yeah, they did start as an employee/employer relationship). Ray was paying Sand to hang out with him. He paid Sand to drive him home that one time. Now, since episode two, when they slept together, based on Sand's "If I like you, I'll do it for free" line (paraphrasing), we can assume that Ray is no longer/hasn't paid him since. Essentially though, Sand fucked his boss and now look where he is. Ray still thinks he owns him, that Sand is a possession.

They've explored this with Top and Mew, too. Technically, the Fab Four are/were Top's bosses. They employed him (and are/were presumably paying him) to redesign the hostel for them. Top ends up sleeping with two of his bosses (Mew and Boston). He's actually manipulated into sex by his boss (Boston) and when the news gets out, Mew and Ray essentially fire Top. Boston, as one of the bosses, is loosely exiled from the group but not the project. Top is out of a job and a boyfriend (on the flip of this here, we know this is not Top's only job, he works with his dad at the hotel, but still).

We're also getting ready to see this with Daddy Dan (never calling him anything else, I don't make the rules) and Nick. Nick's been hired on for this project; Daddy Dan is super shifty that whole scene, blatantly coming on to Nick the whole time (whether that translation was supposed to be "Lick my ass" or "Kiss my ass" really doesn't matter, both amount to the same meaning here, lol). We all know this isn't going to end well for Nick. How we get there remains to be seen. Is this going to ruin Nick's chance for a career he wants? Will this fuck up his graduation chances? Will he end up with a sex tape on the internet (ngl, legit worried about this last one)?

The fourth couple this applies to is Yo and Plug. Yeah. So, their relationship has been subtle, playing out in the background and aside from their very pointed break up today, we haven't gotten much detail on them... or have we? In episode three, Plug and Yo talk about Plug being at the bar so much because he's a bartender. In episode 8, Plug says that Yo flirted with him for like a month before they got together. What that says to me is, Yo hired this guy has a bartender, thought he was cute and proceeded to PERSUE HER EMPLOYEE. Now, they're broken up. Does that mean Plug no longer has a job? Is Yo out an employee as well as a boyfriend?

It's an interesting exploration of power dynamics that a lot of shows, even ones that are office/work based BLs, don't quite seem to focus on the bad outcomes of. It's literally saying this is a bad thing, it can mess up your life.

So yes, hot take: do not fuck your boss.

Tagging the Ephemerality Squad: @lurkingshan, @waitmyturtles, @wen-kexing-apologist, @chickenstrangers, @ranchthoughts, @twig-tea, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, @distant-screaming

Apologies to anyone I forgot!

[somewhere-at-the-burrow]

i miss your posts sm.

oh hi!! I miss this blog so so much and I figured I should come on here during one of my only free weekends to explain what has been happening with my shifting journey and the direction of this blog in general!

for starters, thank you so incredibly much if you have stuck around and been so kind during my disappearance.. especially you lovely anons who wished me a happy halloween I LOVE YOU ALL <33

I hope everyone here has been doing fantastic! I think about this little shifting side of the internet every day :)

anyway! I'm going to be blunt in saying that my shifting journey has not been going that well.. as for successful attempts and the amount of time I can set aside to actually shift. I think I might've mentioned it in another post, but shifting has always been a process for me, despite how some successful shifters can just lay down and focus their intention and BAM! SHIFTED!

usually on my most successful nights, I have used a method that can sometimes take multiple hours to work, and coupled with very busy college work it is very draining!

truthfully, the last time I shifted was around September 8th, and that was my longest shift (with it being two months to my OUAT Storybrooke reality)! I know people could argue that two months is not that long, but I've been used to doing two weeks at a time MAX and it kind of messed with my head! especially as a very routine and schedule driven person.. adapting to a completely new schedule and then having to go to school the next day and sit through my history lecture like everything was chill was CRAZY!

anyway, I haven't been able to shift since then. I have been trying to attempt in one way or another every couple of days, but I honestly feel like I need a whole shifting "reset" or something like that.

maybe trying a new method? maybe relearning everything from scratch again and picking out new things to try? I don't know if that makes sense, but I might try it over the next couple of weeks! I know that patience is key for me, but knowing that I have shifted and am going through a couple months where I completely cannot, no matter what I try... it is very frustrating! I just miss my friends and families in those other realities and the homesickness is driving me off the walls :,)

it feels very comparable to when I was first learning to shift, so if anyone has any cool tips or random things to try, I am always open!! we're all in this together!!

thank you all for being amazing, once again. and happy late halloween if you've read this far <33

-- daphne

[toujokaname]

Evanescent / Episode 1

Characters: Rinne, Kohaku, HiMERU, Niki, Nagisa  

"...Hello there. I'm Nagigon ♪"

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[ Read on my site for a better viewing experience using Ois~su ♪ ]

Season: Spring

Location: Abandoned Mine

Days later, in an abandoned mine deep in the mountains.

Rinne: "Emergency project! Chase Nagigon, the mythical giant creature!"

"So, here we are at the abandoned mine! Today, us Crazy:B are off in search of the legendary creature, Nagigon!"

Kohaku: ...What the heck's this? Feels like somethin' a washed-up internet streamer would come up with...

Rinne-han said he had a weird yet foolproof plan to solve our dire situation, but is this really the solution he meant...?

HiMERU: —Fufu. That line sounds somewhat familiar.

You said something similar during the initial rehearsal for JoyLife, Oukawa.

Kohaku: Even your JoyLife was the same. You got so serious 'bout it, yet what you delivered was such a letdown...

Rinne: Oi, oi. Kohaku-chan, you've really gotten quite high and mighty, haven'tcha...?

What happened to the Kohaku-chan who used to say he'd take any job just to rack up experience?

Kohaku: You were the one sayin' we had to be picky about the jobs we take. And besides, things're different now.

Crazy:B's in high demand, so surely there were some better gigs out there?

Rinne: Nah. That's only true for you and Merumeru. The public's focusing on PBB, not Crazy:B.

HiMERU: Hm. In other words, the work for Crazy:B's four members remains unchanged?

Rinne: That's right. Niki and I are only seen as evil pests meddling with you two.

Niki: Nahaha. Thanks to that, I've been able to focus on my cooking job lately, and it's been awesome!

And with Rinne-kun off sulking somewhere, I got to work in peace. No interruptions, no chaos ♪

I wouldn't mind staying like this forev... Hey, Rinne-kun, quit holding onto my clothes! You're not gonna suplex me again, are you?!

Kohaku: Niki-han, you really just never learn...

I do understand your situation, Rinne-han. But I still don't get how this show's a solution to the problem...

Rinne: Well, as you pointed out, there's pretty much nothing deep or complicated here.

It's just a typical Crazy:B-style project to ruffle some feathers with the public's interest in PBB.

Wasn't I spending most of my free time tryna wreck the happy little lovefest you two had going?

Niki: Waugh... That's such a scummy thing to admit.

Rinne: Shuddup! This project's just a way to pass the time, forcing work outta Vice Prez Glasses-kun.

Kohaku: I see. So that's why it's so half-baked. I feel a bit sorry for the deputy director now...

HiMERU: He probably buckled under Amagi's insistence and threw together a project on the fly.

Kohaku: But seriously, what's with this "Nagigon" thing? Ain't it usually somethin' like a tsuchinoko[1] or what have ya?

And it's real strange that Nagigon sounds so close to Nagisa-han's name.

???: ...You picked up on that quickly.

Nagisa: ...Hello there. I'm Nagigon ♪

Kohaku: Hold on, it really was Nagisa-han!

You ain't even gonna wear a costume or nothin'? You're not honestly plannin' to appear lookin' like that, are ya?

Nagisa: ...No. We have various costumes prepared. A deep-sea octopus, a lion, a kaiju... I'll cater to everyone's preferences.

Kohaku: You haven't decided yet, huh. That's real sloppy...

HiMERU: —Still, to have Ran-san come for a project like this... It's hard to believe the deputy director gave the go-ahead.

Or does he have some hidden agenda behind this proposal?

Nagisa: ...That's not it. It's probably just to vent out his frustrations.

...Lately, I've been going behind Ibara's back, showing up on variety shows and acting on my own accord. I suppose it's accurate to say that his patience has finally snapped.

Kohaku: Is that really somethin' to say with a smile on your face...?

Nagisa: ...Hehe. It seems we've become close enough for Ibara to lash out at me, so that makes me happy.

...But more importantly than that. What kind of sound do you all think a Nagigon would make?

Kohaku: Nagisa-han, you're awful particular 'bout details. You don't need to go that far for such a pointless project! ♪

HiMERU: —It seems like you're having quite a lot of fun today, Oukawa. You're more energetic than usual.

Kohaku: Mm? Really? I don't notice it much myself, so I can't rightly say.

But yeah, I've been gettin' real sick of only doin' PBB gigs lately. Even if this project's ridiculous, it feels more enjoyable ♪

HiMERU: .........

Niki: Huh? Rinne-kun, I think the staff over there's looking for you?

Rinne: Ah? What's going on? They look real stressed. Something go sideways?

Kohaku: Huh? They're cancelin' the filmin'? Just like that? The weather don't even seem to have taken a sudden turn for the worse...

HiMERU: —So that's it. It appears that information about the filming here has leaked to the outside.

Upon learning about it, several fans gathered at the base of the mountain to protest against PBB being assigned dangerous work, causing a bit of an uproar.

Kohaku: What the heck's that?! I mean, it's bad enough that info got leaked in the first place, but...!

But it's up to us to decide what kinda work we do!

Rinne: ...This is the sign of impending doom after hitting the jackpot, Kohaku-chan.

We... Well, more specifically, you and Merumeru, have been forced into a position where fans dictate your work.

Kohaku: Fans dictatin' our work...?

Rinne: PBB fans enjoy watching you two living peacefully and happily.

No one wants to see Crazy:B going on dangerous adventures in abandoned mines, not like the kinda stuff we used to do.

On the contrary, some blind, overprotective fans must be thinking like this:

"They're being forced to deal with those two bothersome Crazy:B members, taking on dangerous work they never asked for."

"Poor Kohaku-kun, we need to stop this immediately. We must protect him..." Somethin' like that.

Kohaku: Haah...? That's such unnecessary meddlin'! I chose to take this job!

Rinne: But the world don't see it that way. With PBB in the spotlight, Kohaku-chan's seen as a cute idol living a peaceful life.

That's the role society's expecting from you now, and the label that's been stuck on you.

Kohaku: .........

Rinne: Anyway. With so many fans crawling outta the woodwork, it'll be tough to keep filming.

Nagisa: ...Mhm. I've contacted Ibara. It'd be wise to withdraw for the time being.

Rinne: Them's the breaks. Kohaku-chan, stuff like this is bound to keep happening from here on out.

I was late to catch on as well, but just like I suspected, things have gone horribly wrong.

[ ☆ ]

The tsuchinoko is a snake-like creature from Japanese folklore.

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[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

Ive been watching Frankenstein movies again (I think I'm gonna have to make some kind of something about it, but I also have never made a video for the internet before so... To be determined?)

Anyways- I have a new recommendation for Frankenstein nerds with time on their hands! And I haven't seen much about it?? Maybe I'm not looking hard enough, but even the 1994 Kenneth Branagh version has something of an audience, and I think this one deserves at least that amount of attention.

Drumroll please!!

"Frankenstein" 2004, Directed by Kevin Connor

Now I think the reason this one is so unwatched is because it's actually a TV movie broken into two "episodes". The whole thing is about 3 hours long. And weirdly enough, aired on Hallmark??? But guys it's like. Really really good. Like, REALLY really good.

Some highlights for me personally include:

Henry Clerval! He's here! He's jolly! He's a little bit of a menace! Genuinely though he has a wonderful sense of charm and charisma to him, which works really well against the naturally more serious and dramatic Victor. Plus he's a history nerd with a bad relationship with his dad who doesn't want him to go to college. So naturally he hops on Victor's carriage mid-ride to Ingolstadt. What a guy

Elizabeth! Her relationship with Victor feels natural, but she also feels like her own person. Also they don't frame it like they're siblings (looking at you Kenneth). It feels more like they're childhood sweethearts who happen to live together, there's never a point where they refer to each other as siblings, there was never an intention from the parents to make them siblings, it just feels way less icky than many other adaptations. (It's still kinda weird though just on principle) I think she could've been explored more but she's fun when she's on screen. She paints, she jokes around, she has goals and expectations, I like her.

The portrayal of Victor is one of the most successfully sympathetic I've ever seen. It is very very easy to make Victor an asshole. Which he is, but it's easy to make him the wrong kind of asshole. Petty and vindictive, eager to run away from responsibility and denying the consequences of his actions. That's not him here. It's more that he's overwhelmed. He's completely over his own head. There's a lot of emphasis put on the fact that Victor is mentally unwell after his experiments. He's completely broken himself down, the minute the lightning thing doesn't work he flies into a rage. And then when the Creature starts breathing, he sees it for a few seconds and then blacks out. As far as he knows, he hallucinated the thing getting up (and he continues to experience paranoid hallucinations throughout the story, it's not a one time assumption). He still abandons the Creature, but it's not because he hates it, it's because he's exhausted and overwhelmed and literally doesn't know what's real. And that goes a long way in making the two feel equally sympathetic, which I think is very important.

This portrayal of The Creature is also one of the most successfully compelling I've ever seen! His performance is very gentle and quiet, which I think makes his rage and torment all the more intense. It's pretty common for the Creature to speak in a deep growl or low-toned monologues, but Luke Goss keeps his voice light and soft, which really really works. Plus I think his makeup and costuming is excellent. They stick way closer to the book description. He has a very pretty well-shaped face, but his skin is dry, grey, and cracked. His eyes are bright but sunken in shadow, and stitches poke out from just under his hairline. At the same time it's believable that Victor designed him to be beautiful, and that strangers would find him unnerving.

It's definitely too long, but it's a good time! You can also just find it on YouTube for free so, bonus points for that

[goodluckclove]

An Interview Series

Stop Two: A Private Room with @cssnder

When i thought to do this, Cassander Di Angelo was one of the first people I knew would make for good conversation. What resulted was something far more vulnerable on my end than I ever expected. She was kind, insightful, and intelligent as always, but I had to wait a few extra days before posting the log from this stop on my journey.

Join us as we discuss the nuance of identity in person, online, and on the page, and the reasons for why we do what we do.

If you want a closer look into Cassander's fascinating voice, I highly suggest signing up for her Substack. It's free, and you'll get direct access to her writing once it's developed! Now join us on this stop as we meet Cass somewhere quiet and secluded.

Now Playing: You Want it Darker by Leonard Cohen

It was a small, private, room of a quite picturesque sort. No bed, no television. There was a green sofa (one of those hideous things one could only find on sale the day following the death of an elderly, the kind you'd think smell of death but for whatever reason your girlfriend loves it), an antic wooden desk that stood grotesquely in the middle of the room, and an innumerable number of bookshelves. It wasn't much, and yet, the room seemed full.

The most interesting part was not so much the furnitures dressing the room but rather the few other details that were not of real interest when taken separately but created a striking picture when assembled together: the half-played game of solitaire spread on the floor, a selection of colourful ties hanging from the back of the sofa, papers all over the desk and piles of books everywhere but on the shelves.

The window was left open. And, in the morning fog, the sky turned into a pious white while the earthy smell of oak trees filled the cold November air. Melancholic, like a sad tune sang among magnolias.

where are we right now?

In a nameless town where no one knows me.

it's certainly a literary environment. i read through your entire blog so far while i was waiting to talk to you.

I used to be much more active on other platforms — Twitter, mainly. But as time went by, I learnt to love privacy and staying away from social medias. I think Tumblr is the platform I am the most active on, if that says anything about my relationship with the internet.

i have some mixed feelings on your content that i think would make for good conversation if you're open to it.

Sure, tell me.

so we've both been writing for a decade or longer. it's been fourteen years for me, and i think you said it was ten or more for you. would you say your practice up until now has also been very solitary? Yes, definitely.

i got the feeling. i can't cite the exact post, but i read something where you dove into your style of observational nuance, the aspects of strangers you take note of. And i immediately related, as someone who works the same way by instinct, but i found myself cringing. it felt like you were describing something deeply intimate about the creative process that you weren't supposed to put to paper. What I suppose i mean to say is that, after ten years of writing alone, how much do you still work to be understood by others? And to what extent?

Quite frankly, there are times where I feel like I don't really understand myself — maybe it's because I am only twenty-three, perhaps I haven't been human long enough yet to feel too sure on my feet. And I suppose, because of that, I do not expect anyone to understand me.

God, am I aware how it sounds so pessimistic but you know I do not mean it that way. I simply do not want to put unfair expectations on people simply because, in my mind, I was sure they, this person specifically, would understand me. If that makes sense? Plus, there are so many sides of us. I don't think we ever understand ourselves a hundred percent. So how could other people?

it's a strange juxtaposition to have that mindset and also be a writer and actor. someone might assume those are two mediums where the person is a vessel meant to relay an intent of some kind. to be comprehended, so to speak.

I think I do not necessarily want to be comprehended but rather offer something to other people — a minute of distraction, them feeling seen, or simply some inspiration. It's not to much about me but rather about them?

I remember something Margaret Atwood said in one videos. I saw it a long time ago so it's not verbatim, of course. But she said that once a book is out in the world, it's not yours anymore. No matter the message you put in it, everyone will interpret it as they want. Of course, it's better if they get what's written as you've written it. But you also have to accept that, most of the time, everyone will take what they want and leave the rest.

are you lonely? creating art as just an offering to the world sounds to me like the objective of someone who's either fulfilled in separate relationships or so lonely they've given up on escaping the feeling.

What other reason do people have to create art?

to be seen to some extent. to share a message that's important to them. to release something from within themselves. to process a color they're worried only they can see. or to just give a story to the world. no reason is better than the other.

I'm not lonely. But I do feel bored and stuck, though. Like I'm not living enough.

you do seem to cultivate some sort of Life Aesthetic from how you describe things. you know, black coffee and earl grey tea. classic music on a record player. violin and card games. russian literature, possibly in dog-eared paperback. the kids online would call it “dark academia”.

Yes, I love those and while I suppose what you say is true to a certain extent — I do love aesthetics as long as I make the rules for my own — I do not want to feel stuck in it. It would be hell, and it shouldn't be so serious. I love a variety of things — Nu metal, black leather, Barbie movies and animes like My Hero Academia.

it's odd how we only show certain parts of ourselves in different spaces. i don't think anyone reading your blog would peg you as a nu metal fan. i feel like i just uncovered a major scoop.

I supposed many of us feel like they need to have a more distinct aesthetic or some sort of brand. Even subconsciously so. I think, even if I didn't want to, there would always be different versions of me in my novels because I base everything on my feelings, me, places I've seen, people I've known. Oliver and his melancholy and need to live something, anything, is one version of me. If I were to write a book about a wanna be singer, it would also be a version of me, little me from the past who wanted to be a singer too. I think the version of me I put the most is my emotional self more than an aesthetic.

can you describe your emotional self?

Intense. Very often, I feel like my heart is too big for my body, you know. But it's also very important for me. If there's one thing that would make me more unhappy than to be overwhelmed by emotions, it's apathy. [Laughs] God, you must wonder what kind of weirdo you're interviewing.

no i'm actually quietly having an existential crisis in my discord server. this is very enlightening. is that something you think is present in the current novel you're developing?

Oh, definitely. I am really into stories fueled by the characters' emotional worlds. Oliver is a mess of self-doubts, of pressure to live something and feeling scared he'll never get to, of wanting to please at all costs. Wilhelm is apathy and the secret desire to let loose just to see what happens. It is safe to say I've always prioritized the emotional quality over the plots and events themselves.

i was supposed to have you introduce yourself. do you think you could maybe pitch your novel for new people?

My novel Thus Saith The Lord is set in Prague, in 1987. The story focused on a young student named Oliver, who's bored of his life and wishes for more in some sort of Bovary-way. He drops out and flees his monotonous home town in the countryside to move to a big city and finally live his life. Unfortunately, things do not turn out the way he hoped. Eventually, he ends up practically poor there and lonely and despises his new way of life. However, he goes on to befriend a guy who, with his connections, helps him integrate his Catholic school, thus pushing him to continue his studies. Once there, Oliver becomes morbidly fascinated by one of his classmates. What started out as a simple friendship quickly turns into obsession and desperation as the lines of morality become blurred.

As for me introducing myself: My name is Cassander, I am a twenty- three year old writer and aspiring actress from France.

assuming this draws a new audience to your blog and substack, what could they expect to see from you?

Anything in terms of medium — novels, poetry, short stories. Quite frankly, there's a melancholy feeling that permeates almost all my work. They can expect that already. As well as stories with immoral and horrible characters, intense emotions, terrible decisions, and existential themes. Do not expect anything tender or joyful, I've never been good for that sort of things.

and since you claimed you'd give yourself 10 years to write thus saith the lord, i feel like people are in for a pretty intense journey.

that's all i have to talk about. i could speak for much longer but i don't want to take up too much of your space. mind narrating my exit from this little room to close us out?

The teas had been drunk, and the conversation had died. Not an unpleasant silent, but rather the sort of satisfied ending, like after a good meal.

Clove got up. “That's all I have to talk about. I could speak for much longer but I don't want to take up too much of your space." They said.

A kind and polite ending to our conversation. Although it wasn't like I had plenty of people waiting at my door or a full schedule. I nodded, before walking them to the door. We exchanged our goodbyes, and as they walked away, I remembered these words by Shakespeare that I knew by heart:

“And whether we shall meet again I know not. Therefore our everlasting farewell take: For ever, and for ever, farewell, [trustees]! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then, this parting was well made.”

previous stop

[247-diaperboy]

Posted by Lyrick Raccoon · February 07, 2021

How Common Is ABDL In The World?

ABDL's are in all careers, demographics and span the globe. ABDL is a large sub-community that has managed to cultivate families of normative acceptance around the lifestyle. So, then how common is ABDL in the world? Extremely common.

ABDL is VERY common! If you are ABDL you are far from alone.

Why haven't I heard of ABDL until now?

If you've heard of the term "forever young," you have likely thought to yourself that being younger generally has elements that held a much happier time. Maybe you've even told other kids to enjoy being young, as life tends to get more difficult and complicated. Regardless of the quality of upbringing, we often try and remember the good things and forget the bad. The same good elements make ageplay so popular as the lifestyle practice provides an opportunity to experience a safe, intimate, and care-free experience. The main reason you may have never heard of ABDL until now is that society as a whole doesn't understand the intricacy that ABDL is more like a spectrum of preferences rather than a one size fits all definition.

ABDL is often hidden because it is misunderstood or viewed as taboo, leading to social consequences (fear).

Many ABDLs go through a majority of their life without telling anyone they are ABDL. It hasn't been until the availability of information through the internet that more ABDLs connect on a large scale and find enough support to be more open about their ageplay tendencies.

Is someone I know and love ABDL?

It is reasonably possible you work with an ABDL, are friends with an ABDL, or even live with an ABDL (possibly even the parent of an ABDL). The feelings of being smol or into diapers is a significant stress reducer, and the diaper is many ABDL's drug of choice to lessen stress and anxiety, acting as a healthy coping mechanism. If you are a parent reading this, and you think your kid is ABDL, I'd encourage you to support them and know they can choose many ways to handle stress that is detrimental to their physical or mental health; the diaper is not a harmful method.

Likely, YES. Someone you know is ABDL.

A typical follow-up question to ask is, "If ABDL is such a big part of their life, will they ever tell me (their best friend) regression or diapers is something they enjoy?"

The short answer; It's hard to say. People will tell others more about themselves when they feel confident in who they are. Maybe they will someday, perhaps they won't.

Even best friends hold the information that they are into regression or diapers close to the chest as not everyone is as open-minded as they think they are. Discussion in public and private social circles regarding ABDL over the past 100 years has not held even the closest of relationships together after disclosure. It has ended many friendships and healthy relationships. "Why?"

Unfortunately, we live in a world that what people think matters more than who people are.

The world has a multi-billion dollar market of beauty and exercise products that reflect the chameleon approach to human connection as a result of human nature. We want to put our best selves forward, even at the cost of the authenticity of who we are, which is likely far more interesting and loveable.

Why would someone be ABDL if the world seems to dislike them?

The individuals who get the most airtime in the public sphere regarding ABDL's tend to be mostly the community's outliers. The goal of most television is to gain viewers, rather than to educate, unfortunately. 

As the saying goes with the media, "There is no news like bad news." For this reason, a large amount of the public is misinformed about ABDL and ageplay as a community. 

Universally, there are always rotten eggs in any group, but I'd argue that ABDL's have much richer and more authentic personal lives than the average relationship. You may ask, "Why is that?"

One of the most misunderstood advantages that ABDL's have regarding friendship forming and relationship storming is the diaper. This "silly object" to a non-ABDL is one of the keys that fast-tracks intimacy and trust between other ABDLs because of the nature and use of the diaper, explicitly referring to vulnerability. Vulnerability is also the reason ABDL's filter and chose their friendships and ABDL relationships carefully.

ABDLs tend to have a higher-quality relationship because ABDLs have a heightened innate understanding of emotional needs towards each other.

The primary reason for this next-level care is because ABDLs long-for and thrive for "care" themselves. The most significant advantage of ageplay towards relationships is that the practice of regression educates and enhances knowledge of nurturing and caregiving. This knowledge, which stands outside of judgment, can significantly enrich the ABDL's emotional connection and support within relationships (interpersonal or professional).

How would I let my closest friend know I support them as an ABDL?

The real question is, "why do you want to know?" or, "Are you interested and curious about the practice of ageplay?" Many people find their love of ageplay very young or in their early twenties due to many factors. Knowing about the ABDL tendencies of your best friend has nothing to do with whether they trust you. The beautiful part about relationships is that long-lasting relationships are built over time through the smallest of moments. If you happen to be close to an ABDL, they will eventually tell you if they feel safe, and your trust is unwavering over a long period.

Knowing if your friend is ABDL shouldn't have any bearing on your relationship's quality; if they feel comfortable in themselves, they will tell you; or maybe they won't.

In many cases, it is not safe for ABDLs to tell others as many parents or friends can see this as something that needs therapy even though the tendencies are healthy. Misunderstanding can lead to fear and many hurtful assumptions. It is for this reason many ABDL's keep their preferences safe within their own space. 

Chances are you know an ABDL. :D

So what's next? We encourage you to be more open-minded and to stay curious in a world of diversity. One of the best phrases that we overheard during an ageplay convention is that " Kind curiosity makes friends." We couldn't agree more!

[cilil]

Since everyone are asking about ships, do you have: popular ship that you are not into, but can see the idea; popular ship you are not into and can't understand why; and a ship popularity of which surprises you (in either positive or negative sense).

Genuinely curious, not trying to start any drama, but naturally feel free to delete if you don't feel like answering. Nice day to you!

Hey anon! Lovely day to you too and thanks for the ask!

(I'm going to preface this by saying these type of asks can be a bit tough to answer for me, since I'm just pretty chill with ships and sometimes can't even tell how popular a thing is while drifting around in my comfortable little bubble, and my answers might not be super juicy, but I wanted to try giving some anyway ^^)

Popular ship that you are not into, but can see the idea

I brainstormed a bit which popular ships came to mind and also went on AO3 to filter for the most written Silm ships. I actually love all the ones that came up (especially Angbang haha), so I suppose I have nothing in that regard.

If I wanted to give a funny answer, I'd say Beren/Lúthien (the author's canonical self-insert would count as fairly popular, yeah?) because yes, I get the idea and there's a lot of romantic stuff going on, but I will never understand giving up fucking hot angels in Valinor for the sake of a human man who came crawling out of the bushes one day (listen, you guys do you, and creeping on people in forests seems to be some sort of Ainurin/Valinorean dating tradition, but I would be calling the police, ok? Don't creep on me in my forest please unless your name is Eönwë). Lúthien, girl, I love you, but this choice is personally offensive to me and my efforts to get my hands on hot angels. Maybe I'm also just too arospec for this, happy pride month.

(I should perhaps add that such opinions are always subject to change, all it takes is one person giving me one idea that gets me thinking and the entire thing could look different tomorrow. These are snapshots of a moment in time, if you will.)

((Also in case it needs to be said, please nobody take my funny answers too seriously.))

Popular ship you are not into and can't understand why

Hmmm, to properly answer that I would probably have to get into my NOTPs and that's a topic I don't want to discuss on this blog.

Please don't feel bad for asking, I appreciate it, but that's just one thing I decided for myself because, while I think nobody should put too much emphasis on my - a random person on the internet that I believe nobody here has met! - opinion, some people do and/or get upset that not everyone likes their ship. And I get it, I don't like people talking crap about my favorite characters and ships to my face either. So yeah, I just don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable :)

Ship popularity of which surprises you (in either positive or negative sense)

Heh. This will be a fun one, but bear with me for a second, alright?😅

I'm going to say Russingon. Now, now, put down the pitchforks. When I read the Silmarillion, I was very new to fandom and shipping in general and was also reading mostly just for an overview of everything and to learn more about Melkor and Mairon, so I didn't think too much of the Russingon interactions. Hopping onto AO3 immediately after, I quickly learned about them being shipped, went "oh yeah, I totally see this" and have been a supporter ever since.

The reason why its popularity surprises me is quite simply that I come from a fandom where people were incredibly weird and hostile regarding any sort of incest, including all variations of pseudo-incest ("sibling-coded", found family, etc.). I essentially went from a fandom that bullied me out of shipping two characters who were neither biologically related nor had grown up together nor even knew each other prior to their meeting as adults simply because they apparently had sibling vibes to a fandom whose top ship are half-cousins.

In case I haven't made it sufficiently clear: It was a very positive surprise. I frankly think very little of fandoms who clutch their pearls over pixels on a screen kissing and police what people can and can't ship, and I feel just so much more comfortable in a fandom where people are more chill and used to it. Thank you, Russingon!

[shinycollarboneapologist]

PLEASE GIVE US WHAT WE WANT (TAYLOR VERSE TALKING ABOUT RUMORS)

sighs. (if i get bullied off of tumblr.com .. ur all coming with me)

when the article first drops, you have to stifle a laugh. matty and taylor are no strangers to dating rumors, but seeing a headline about the two of them makes your skin heat and your stomach flip. so you laugh to ease unhinged green monster that's on your back. you know it's not true, you're literally sat in front of taylor drinking an aperol spritz in italy. there's no way. (she's also grossly uninterested especially after hearing what went down with the two of you in the states, which kind of spurred the whole girls trip but that's besides the point).

it still stings though; looking at the person you had so viciously claimed as yours (even if it was just to yourself) being linked up with your best friend. and it's poorly timed. your life had been blissfully matty free for weeks. it was your own doing seeing as you blocked his number and on all social media platforms possible, but now here you are trying to ward of misplaced jealousy with alcohol and sunshine.

taylor makes light of it over lunch and you two share a laugh about the timing of it all. it helps to ease the fire in you, makes swallowing the pill of acceptance a little bit easier.

he calls later that night. well, you recieve a call from george and when you answer there's heavy breathing on the line until you roll your eyes, "george? what's up?"

"i need to talk to you."

matty.

you inwardly groan, but it must have slipped out because he only sighs.

"i'm hanging up, matty." his name feels foreign on your tongue, syllables that haven't been uttered together in weeks. his voice still makes you tense up, still has your heart racing a bit in your chest.

"no. i mean, please don't," he murmurs feebly.

"what is it then?" you're growing impatient and you're unsure if its in yourself for not just biting the bullet and hanging up or at him for his long winded round about way to get a sentence out. "i don't have all day."

"taylor and i aren't dating," matty breathes, "just wanted you to know that before you see it."

you laugh, embittered, "i've seen it already. and i know. i'm with her right now."

he curses under his breath, "i'm not on speaker, am i?"

"no."

"okay good."

it's silent, aside from the sound of his feet hitting the floor on the other side of the phone. he's pacing, and by the sounds of it, the phone is shuffling under his ear as he ruffles his hair. you hear the click of a lighter and an inhale.

"i'm not that much of a dick, y'know? wouldn't go after your friend after you ended things-"

"matty. i mean this in the nicest conceievable way possible: i really don't care," you interupt, but he keeps going.

"like you know i'm not a dick. i'm just wired differently, and i do some stupid shit a lot of the time. but fucking your friends and stuff would not be one of them- oh."

"we haven't spoken in weeks. and this is what you call me about? a stupid rumor?" you can practically see him wince in your head. you do feel bad, but not bad enough to take back what you said at least. he'd dug his own grave, and now it was his turn to lie in it and face any repercussions he had garnered from it. "listen, i'm sorry people are being rude to you on the internet but i meant it when i said i didn't want to see or hear from you ever again."

"i was just trying to-"

"prove to me that you're not a dick, i get that," you sigh, "but you're about four weeks late on that one."

you hang up after that, not wanting to listen to his endless and ill-fated apologies. if he was actually sorry, he would've reached out sooner, made an effort at least. instead, he's popped your "matty-free bubble" and its taking every last fiber of your being not to call him back and let him spew it all on you. you would consume every lie he ever spun you happily if you could just have your own peace of mind back. because he might not be dating taylor, but that doesn't mean there won't be others.

it's a hard pill to swallow; looking at something that was so uniquely yours as it fades out of view. but you do it anyway for your own solitude.

[skiptomy]

Vent post; feel free to ignore unless you have very specific advice for how to live as a disabled artist in an increasingly hostile world.

Feeling less than stellar as of late. I'm trying to come to terms with my disability, but it's so fuckin hard cause I still live in a world that needs so much from me. I feel like I'm constantly dipping in and out of burnout. (Which makes a lot fuckin more sense now that I know I'm ADHD and autistic) But I literally can't do anything to stop it because I can't stop working or anything like that.

Most months I barely make enough for groceries, and I haven't been able to save money in.... Ever. Which sucks because there's so much shit I need to replace or fix. I need a new computer because even after completely factory resetting mine (and accidentally losing about three years worth of files despite thinking they were safe on the cloud) my comp still breaks down every other time I go to draw, and it takes an exceptionally long time to do even basic tasks like open the Internet.

I need to get my car re-registered, get an oil change, probably new tires, and who knows what else. I'm so fucking lucky to have a car at all, but there is kind of no alternative since public transit is barely a thing around where I live. Even if it was, I physically wouldn't be able to walk to the stops.

Almost all my clothes have holes or are from like eight years ago or just don't fit anymore. I have like three pairs of shoes and one is breaking. I don't have money for some of the meds I need and I definitely don't have money for medical aids that could really help.

I think I'm getting extra down on myself about all this because I lost my spot at the tattoo shop I was working at. I completely understand why, they have limited space and need reliable artists who are there all the time.

I can't be.

Most days I can barely wake up. I've got maybe 7- 10 good days out of any month and that's being generous. My health is getting worse and worse and it really doesn't seem like there is much I can do about it, mostly because money is such a problem that any significant improvement (a functioning wheelchair for bad days, some kind of management for chronic fatigue, even just good healthy food) seems entirely impossible.

Getting on disability is technically an option but it takes so long and I don't even know where to begin. And I wouldn't know what to do in the meantime before it kicks in. Plus, who the fuck knows how stable that's going to be, or if it would end up fucking me over if I ever wanted to actually legally marry my partner.

I'm just so scared. About everything. But mostly about being a burden. Being a disappointment. I'm in pain all the time and the only thing I can think about is how much I just want to draw and be able to sit up for a couple hours without feeling like I need to take a nap. I want to do so much, and I can't do almost any of it.

What do you even do with that? How do you cope? "Take it easy, be kind to yourself" Sure, but how do you do that in practice in a world that demands so much and causes so much guilt for failing to give everything you have and more.

I appreciate you so much if you've read this far. It's nice to be able to put it to words even if it's scary and doesn't really fix anything. I'm just scared and frustrated and need to let some of it out in a non-destructive way. And hey, if there are other disabled folks out there dealing with similar shit, I see you and I love you even if I don't know you. Maybe we'll get through this together. Especially if we share any and all tips n tricks.

It's a tough world out there. Be kind where you can.